Your Relationship and Your Homestead
I’m sure everyone knows running a farm or a homestead isn’t easy. There are no days off, there is a never-ending lists of projects and it can feel very overwhelming at times. It can strain even the best relationship. I am lucky that my husband is very supportive, but he doesn’t always want to be 100% in 100% of the time. He has a “normal” job outside the farm so the time he has available to lend a hand is very limited. When we started homesteading, we hit a few bumps and it caused some disagreements. There are countless resources on how to grow plants, take care of animals, build shelters, etc. But in all my research I did when planning our farm, I never came across a how to article on nurturing and securing your relationship while jumping into this new adventure. So, before you start homesteading (or keep growing your homestead) take some time and follow these tips. Hopefully, I can help you avoid some of the fights and heartbreaks we went through.
Communication
Talk about what you both envision your ideal farm to be. Its easy to get wrapped up in your own vision and just assume your partner wants the same. Talk about what animals you guys want. Do you want to sell your products to the public or just keep in for your family’s needs? How big do you envision your garden? Do you want large corn fields, grow your own hay and feed for the animals, or just a few vegetable plants that you can use for dinner and preserve the extras? It might be prudent to write out what your ideals are separately when you are alone and then share them.
Boundaries.
Farms need strong fences not only for the animals, but you will both need to put up fences to protect yourselves. You each need to talk about what you are absolutely not willing to do and stick to it. On our place my husband asked that I deal with the day-to-day stuff like chores, the garden, rotational grazing. He also wants me to deal with the planning and organizing. He wants to be able to focus on big projects that I may need help with like building coops, digging irrigation, repairing tractors etc. Since his time is so limited it helps us that he set those boundaries early on. Before we had that conversation it was not always sunshine and daisies. We argued about who would do what. Now we know where we each stand and what are our comfort levels.
Nurturing Your Relationship.
It is so easy to get caught up in what still has to get done that you can forget that your relationship needs love and care as well. You often hear young parents struggle with keeping the spark alive in the early years but it’s the same with farming. Or if you are like us, you have young kids and a farm and it can feel like you’re drowning at times. Now this doesn’t have to mean taking a vacation together or even weekly date night. It can be as simple as stopping to tell the other how much you appreciate the help, carving out time to play with your animals together or even sitting together and watching a movie after chickens are locked up. It is so easy to end up feeling like just business partners and not partners in life. Make it a point to feed your heart just as much as you feed your livestock.