Your Relationship and Your Homestead
I’m sure everyone knows running a farm or a homestead isn’t easy. There are no days off, there is a never-ending lists of projects and it can feel very overwhelming at times. It can strain even the best relationship. I am lucky that my husband is very supportive, but he doesn’t always want to be 100% in 100% of the time. He has a “normal” job outside the farm so the time he has available to lend a hand is very limited. When we started homesteading, we hit a few bumps and it caused some disagreements. There are countless resources on how to grow plants, take care of animals, build shelters, etc. But in all my research I did when planning our farm, I never came across a how to article on nurturing and securing your relationship while jumping into this new adventure. So, before you start homesteading (or keep growing your homestead) take some time and follow these tips. Hopefully, I can help you avoid some of the fights and heartbreaks we went through.
Communication
Talk about what you both envision your ideal farm to be. Its easy to get wrapped up in your own vision and just assume your partner wants the same. Talk about what animals you guys want. Do you want to sell your products to the public or just keep in for your family’s needs? How big do you envision your garden? Do you want large corn fields, grow your own hay and feed for the animals, or just a few vegetable plants that you can use for dinner and preserve the extras? It might be prudent to write out what your ideals are separately when you are alone and then share them.
Boundaries.
Farms need strong fences not only for the animals, but you will both need to put up fences to protect yourselves. You each need to talk about what you are absolutely not willing to do and stick to it. On our place my husband asked that I deal with the day-to-day stuff like chores, the garden, rotational grazing. He also wants me to deal with the planning and organizing. He wants to be able to focus on big projects that I may need help with like building coops, digging irrigation, repairing tractors etc. Since his time is so limited it helps us that he set those boundaries early on. Before we had that conversation it was not always sunshine and daisies. We argued about who would do what. Now we know where we each stand and what are our comfort levels.
Nurturing Your Relationship.
It is so easy to get caught up in what still has to get done that you can forget that your relationship needs love and care as well. You often hear young parents struggle with keeping the spark alive in the early years but it’s the same with farming. Or if you are like us, you have young kids and a farm and it can feel like you’re drowning at times. Now this doesn’t have to mean taking a vacation together or even weekly date night. It can be as simple as stopping to tell the other how much you appreciate the help, carving out time to play with your animals together or even sitting together and watching a movie after chickens are locked up. It is so easy to end up feeling like just business partners and not partners in life. Make it a point to feed your heart just as much as you feed your livestock.
Top Three Homesteading Mistakes.
When speaking with people about our homestead one of the things I hear a lot is “I wish I could do that.” If you are saying the same thing to yourself right now let me tell you a secret. YOU CAN! If I can do it, anyone can. I didn’t grow up farming. Quite the opposite in fact; I grew up in the city. The closest I came to raising livestock was feeding the goats rye crackers at the petting zoo. My parents were a school teacher and a police officer so managing a farm was not something that I learned from them.
When my husband and I decided to homestead we made a lot of mistakes. Some of them were expensive and others just frustrating. I want to tell you about our three biggest mistakes and how we fixed them so you can avoid doing the same things that we did.
1. Location Location Location.
I am a big believer that the spirit of homesteading can be done from anywhere. Even a few herb plants on a windowsill is a start of that’s all the room that you have. However, if you are deciding to make the leap into the full homesteading experience, be patient and do your research. My husband and I were so excited to leave the city and start a homestead that we quickly jumped at a 2 acre piece of property about 45 minutes outside the city. At first it seemed perfect. We started a garden and got a few chickens. Soon we realized that we were already outgrowing the property. We found out the township we were living in would not allow us to have goats, pigs or any other livestock. It was a very narrow property and the area we thought would be perfect for a garden flooded every time it rained. We realized that we would have to move again if we wanted to be able to accomplish all our goals. The first piece of advice I would give someone looking to locations is to do your research. If you like an area, call the local municipality yourself and see what is allowed or what is restricted. Don’t rely on your realtor to know. Also don’t assume because the previous owners had chickens or goat that it is allowed. They might have just gotten away with it.
While we were searching for our next home I was starting to get discouraged. Everytime we went to look at a home or property there were major issues. I however learned my lesson the first time and I didn’t settle. I knew I wanted something with at least 7 acres, a barn already built. My next piece of advice for you is not to settle. Make a list of your must haves in a future plot of land. Also make a list of things that would be nice to have but is negotiable. These lists will be different for everyone. Take your time and wait it out. Eventually you will find your dream place.
2. Don’t grow too fast.
The first year here for us was a whirlwind of activity. I got chickens, ducks, turkeys, goats, horses, pigs, tilled a large garden, started digging out a pong and had plans for updating the barn and house. I got overwhelmed quickly. Its easy to get caught up in the excitement and want everything to happen right away. Start with one or two things. Maybe chickens and a small garden. My first year my large garden that I spent so much money on failed miserably. I was so busy with trying to learn about all these new animals and keeping them alive that the weeds just took over. I think I managed to get some spinanch, two watermelons and a handful of spaghetti squash. That might sound like a lot to some but I planted hundreds of seeds of all different type of plants. If you start with one or two things you will be able to learn and become experts on those things. Once you master them, then you can add something else. Someone had given me this advise when I started and I really wished I had listened.
3. Remember to take time to enjoy the life you are building for yourself and your family.
It is so easy to get wrapped up in the stress and work of running a farm or homestead. There is always work to be done so its hard to stop, sit back and smell the roses. This is advise that I still struggle with today. Its hard for me to relax when I know that the horses need groomed or that the fence line needs repaired. I have to tell myself to stop and let it all sink in sometimes. If I am feeding the goats I have to give myself permission to stop and pet them and enjoy their company instead of quickly moving on to the next item on my to do list. Also enjoy the rainy days inside. I mean animals will always have to be fed rain or shine but once everyone is fed and cared for sit inside and read a book or take a long bath. Don’t work so hard that you forget to enjoy the life you are living.
A Week of Firsts
6/2/21
This is a week of firsts here at Haxton Homestead. This is our inaugural newsletter and blog post. I am excited for the opportunity to share our daily lives, happenings on the farm and upcoming events. When we purchased the property in 2019, I never imagined we would grow so fast. Being raised in New York City, I never said I wanted to be a farmer when I grew up. It was not until college when I started volunteering on a farm in Upstate New York did I realize this was something I might want to pursue. And even then, it was more of something I thought of as “another lifetime” kind of dream. Those four years working at Sprout Creek Farm are now treasured memories that lay close to my heart. Now that I made it happen for myself, I want to help other future farmers and homesteaders to realize their dreams. And that leads us to our second “first” for the week.
On Sunday was our first ever chicken processing class. We had a group of 11 people new to growing chickens for meat come to the farm. Alongside Jeremiah from Chasing Joy Farm, we taught them all about the dirty work of butchering and processing chickens, gave them the hands-on experience and (hopefully) confidence to do it on their own. The cold and rain could not stop the fun. Each of the participants got to go home with one of the pasture-raised chickens that we processed that day. It has been great seeing Facebook posts from the class and pictures of the meals people have made from those chickens. I must admit that I was very anxious leading up to the class. Although I have been processing and selling my own chickens for years, that was my first time teaching it. As soon as everyone arrived, and the class started my anxiety melted away. It was a great group of people and we all had fun.
The summer is just getting started and it will be a busy one. We have sold out 3 chicken processing classes and had to open a fourth. We are planning a “Farm Fun Day” for kids on the farm in July and we also got our first pair of breeding hogs and looking forward to our first set of piglets born on the farm. And lastly, just to give you your daily dose of cuteness, here is a picture of our first goose hatched on the farm. Still trying to come up for a name for this cutie!